4 Communication mistakes that can get in the way of your health – conflicts can be at home, within yourself or at work.
Conflicts can affect a person’s health – conflicts at home, within ourselves or at work especially for professionals who have cross-functional interactions. A helpful approach to dealing with conflicts is Non-Violent Communication (NVC.)
NVC, developed by Marshal Rosenberg, emphasizes objectively observing and understanding one’s needs before making requests. NVC can take time to practice, but every step in non-violent communication can help with one’s health tremendously.
NVC highlights the four communication mistakes below, and you might be making them, leading to exhaustion.
1. You are not making Judgement-free Observations
“You ignored me” is a judgment, while “You haven’t responded to my last two emails” is an observation. Judgments can lead to blame and unpleasant reactions, making them ineffective. On the other hand, observing without judgment is a crucial skill that can be highly useful.
2. You are confusing ‘thoughts’ vs. ‘feelings’
Communication is healthier when we can identify the difference between ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling.’ For example, saying, “I feel neglected,” can make the other person hear blame because “being neglected” is not a feeling but a thought. Instead, putting it as “I feel confused because I didn’t get a response from you” is more appropriate because confusion is a feeling.
You might want to challenge yourself next time you use the word, ‘feeling.’ When you tag thoughts as feelings, you might not understand your need clearly. Also, observing how we feel can help us stay away from blame which is what thoughts are.
3. You are not listening to your needs
Communication breakdown can happen when we don’t listen to or share our needs. For example, “You irritate me when you don’t document your project changes.” Instead, try: “I am irritated when you don’t document the project changes because I want new hires to know the revisions for easier ramp-ups.”
Here, ‘irritated’ is a feeling, and the second half of the sentence states your need.
Once you see and acknowledge your needs in a conflict, resolving it becomes significantly easier.
3. You are not making explicit requests
Communication breakdown can happen when we don’t listen to or share our needs. For example, “You irritate me when you don’t document your project changes.” Instead, try: “I am irritated when you don’t document the project changes because I want new hires to know the revisions for easier ramp-ups.”
Here, ‘irritated’ is a feeling, and the second half of the sentence states your need.
Once you see and acknowledge your needs in a conflict, resolving it becomes significantly easier.
Marshal Rosenberg [Non-violent Communication, in the late 1960s] proposed that communication can be constructive if we follow this
4-step process:
- OBSERVE without judgment
- Recognize how you FEEL.
- Understanding which needs of yours led to the feeling
- Empathize and make a precise REQUEST.
You may start with any one step and practice it to reap benefits gradually. Eventually, you will experience that healthy communication can be a key to good health.
How do you currently manage workplace conflicts and stress, and have you ever considered implementing non-violent communication strategies to improve your communication skills? I’d love to know – drop me a message, and we could chat more about NVC.
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